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The absence of joy and excitement

Paychopaths are void of feelings. The past six months have shown me how much they can cause. I came into some money six months - I was jubilant,extremely happy and excited when I received it. The first thing I did was give my daughter, who had graduated a month so earlier and I did not have anything to give her, now that I did,I gave her more than any of uncles and aunts could. She took the money and said nothing just sat there as if nothing had happened. What I was expecting was that she would jump with joy and be very excited about receiving the money.There was absolutely no expression on her face. She had to be prompted - and she gave the expression of joy and happiness - but at no time able truly comprehend the reason.  Later when  I told my wife about the money, which was long overdue - she had the same deadpan reaction as my daughter. No expression of relief and no tears of joy,  nothing at all. Here I am feeling incredibly happy and the response is of cold indifference. Bough

Insane parents

Not being able to choose the parents is a sad part of life. I would be very  happy if I had parents who genuinely loved and cared instead of being the exact opposite. Besides that they lied and thought no end of themselves.  They were violent and mean all the time. When I was small,  they could away by hitting me and being abusive.When I became older they demeaned in front of family and friends.  Running me down every opportunity they got. Ignore me and act as if I did not exist. The friends I made did not meet their approval, because liking someone is not good enough for friendship. Their idea of friendship meant people who can be used to get something in return for friendship. As a result of their attitude I avoided having friends - because never be good enough for my parents. They used to do this in my childhood, way back then I felt as if I was invisible, anything I said or did, did not matter and because no one wanted acknowledge my presence - I felt like killing myself When I

A box of chocolates

There was matter of inheritance which was settled last year. I had sued my brothers. My wife or her brother helped me contest the case. What remained was the implementation. My brother Sajid  lives abroad, initially flatly refused to come when I told about the court hearing. Later his wife Neeli would call on his behalf . Whenever she called my wife  Razia would avoid picking up the phone and ask me to talk to her.  Razia explained she does not know how to talk with Neeli,  Razia had told so many times that did not  like Neeli and despised Sajid. I was away and Razia had to talk with Neeli, who told that Sajid is going to be coming over in the earliest flight. Razia told me that. Sajid came and did the needful at the court. The next day I had to accompany him to the court  He dropped by my place and left a box of chocolates for my daughter. Considering that Razia did not like or care my brother and his wife, I did not tell Razia. Later after the box of chocolates were discovered

Writers BLOCK

This is not writers block, the moment when writers cannot write. It is about where do writers publish their books. Though I am not superstitious I was told by a fortune teller that I would write some book which would make me rich and famous. That of course never happened,  the number of comments on different social networking websites is writing. I doubt anyone would win a Nobel prize for what they write in their blogs. Or if they have their own websites in which they contribute their myriad ideas would be of interest to anyone. But more has been written by so many people than any time in the history of mankind. I wonder if Leo Tolstoy would ever have blogged 'War and Peace'?. For me writing is second nature and I assumed that everyone did and could. Till someone said to me 'I wish I could write'. That surprised me a bit, then I realised  that writing is not a natural thing. Then I heard about people who had established them as novelists, finding the process of writi

Selfie culture

Smart phones have introduced cameras with which people take pictures of almost everything they can. But one thing is certain that people take selfies., clothed and  for the most part naked. The features in the camera exagerrate genitals.  It is worst secret of the worst kept secret of all, every denies  it but everyone is doing it. In malls and other public places everyone is photographing everyone else be they friends and or complete strangers. Promiscuity has increased. people start wearing more revealing clothe and hope someone would make a poster out of it. Whosoever started this selfie thing, it has caught on and there no stopping it. Once people were shy of showing off their bodies to anyone close, but will do so to complete strangers. Discover the thrill of exhibitionism. They do not realise it that it is fundamental change in their attitude. They visit video sex chat sites and expose their bodies to all sundry, not the least bothered who is watching, they become more excited

My eldest sister-in-law and her rules

I went to Canada, the first time ever and stayed with my in-laws just because my mother-in-laws was dying and my wife wanted to see her. The trip itself is an adventure in itself. After arriving in Toronto, I stayed one of my nephews. We were having a great time with his kids, who were playful and very loving. stayed for the first day with him. Arriving at the Toronto airport was not as terrifying as we had been told, it was strange and shocking coming to a different country.Anyway that has nothing with the story. We only could stay for 2 days and 1 night, because my eldest sister-in-law Nishat wanted to take her house in Ottawa. It was the afternoon of the next day when she came over  in her car, to whisk us away to Ottawa. The road trip to Ottawa was deathly silent. My brother-in-law Azhar had a very grim face.  Some years back he had sent an e-mail saying that his mother-in-law was not welcome in his house, one of the reasons is because he spent years looking after his aged mothe

Freedom of women or whatever

She left Pakistan when she was very little and settled in the USA. Her father had married an American woman. Her name is Alisha.when she became 18. Her father is my cousin, his sister tells me that Alisha is pregnant, she was not prepared to discuss it further.  I left it like that, the grapevine of my extended family started. There was lot of gossip going. The little details I could extract was that she was not married and was having a baby For my extended family it was a shocker. "How could she? She is not even married"  and so many questions like them. The more religiously zealous sounded as if they would kill her  if she was in Pakistan.  Several decades ago there was young woman who had come to Pakistan, because she had never seen her father's country. She had a six year old son. Every single day she would get furious calls from her father. One of the reasons he was upset was that the people who knew him would be shaming him for bringing up a daughter who is unmar

Religion and public matters in Pakistan

Here some issues pertaining to religion in Pakistan   Noise Pollution : There are several mosques where I live. The  Azaans (call for prayer) via loudspeakers go on for over 30 minutes or more. Every mosque wants its 5 minutes of fame. Fortunately I do not living right next to one, but they are fairly close. The noise over hundred decibels enough to kill people or make their ears bleed. Each mosque tries be louder than the next. It is similar to the public transport people who want traffic ahead of them to move, they use very loud horns, the horns become louder so as to be the one to be heard over the others. As if that will help make the traffic move faster. or  other drivers ahead of them would move out of the way.     Many mosques recite the Koran so loudly that it can ruin anyone's sleep.The people who run the mosques have absolutely no consideration for the people in their neighbourhood. It is uncivilised, uncouth and stupid. Disturbing other people for fanatical religio

Weird anti-social behaviour

I invited my wife's family for a get together. When they came, instead of sitting down to chat, rushed to where the TV was to watch a game.I have no interest whatsoever in the game. Even if I am, I will not watch a game when I am having a get together.  I sat where I usually sit and talk with anyone who comes visiting.This time I was sitting alone - because the game was many times more interesting than my company. Addiction to a game and not being interested in talking about anything is some kind of anti-social behaviour. Some kind of mental illness.  Even if the people are family, there is such a thing as  courtesy and decorum. I suppose people who are anti-social  cannot understand that is, which they brush it  aside. Only after the game ended did they come over to sit. But that was temporary, dinner was served and they rushed to the table. It was apparent they had no interested in talking with me whatsoever. I was feeling really sickened by this behaviour. It hurt. But they

The limits of social networking

Every 'social networking' site has some technical limits as to how many people can be on a single account.  For Twitter it is 3000 and Facebook it is 4000. Others may have their own. What is social networking for if it is limited in the number of people it can handle at a given time.  All these social networks are beginning  police all activity and censor a great deal.  The very purpose of social networking in itself self -defeating. Many people have stopped using them because there is nothing really going on. No drastic changes, no updates. Many people are on them for absolutely no reason at all. They are there, they have an account but never ever use it. They never bother to log in. There are those who want to share what they are not liked by the owners of that social networking website and the people who using it. The original social networking websites were myriad chat rooms and forums. People who liked the same things got together and shared whatever they had in common 

Mysterious kidnappings

Young students in their twenties are being kidnapped from Karachi and other cities. Though reports about these are kept secret, but with the frequency they are taking place, there is bound to be a leak  and people eventually get to know about this. But the question is who responsible and why is it happening. There are no clear answers. But the people who get away by committing such crimes are obviously are very highly placed, they are virtually above the law. No one can arrest them, even though the evidence is overwhelmingly against them. This is a new way to terrorise the people, it simply boils down to this. If the police and other law enforcement organisations are unable to prevent crime, the people would be forced to take up arms against those who murder, kidnap and steal. Whatever the reasons for the kidnapping, is irrelevant, the people protecting the kidnappers will face the wrath of the people. No court, no judge is going to prosecute these criminals. There is a limit to su

The begging racket

The begging racket is one of the most common which plagues the city and it involves the police. Traffic signals are rented out to the beggar gangs, the police collects the rent. Beggars are everywhere, not a single place is spared. In shopping areas, wearing dirty clothes, standing in the sun, exposing disabilities. Stories abound of finding out that beggars actually multimillionaires living lavishly, owning several buildings. On days of  religious events gather around at churches, temples and mosques. Many of the beggars are spies "hiding in plain sight". That does not work anymore, because everyone suspects that behind the guise of a beggar they really are someone else. They act insane and pretend to be so many other things, all of them are really very rich with huge bank accounts. If they are exposed, either they move to some other part of the city or they kill the people who know the truth about them. The really destitute and extremely poor people never dare beg becaus

The Khilafat Movement an epic disaster

Turkey lost its empire after World War I. The empire comprised of the entire Arab world and some European countries. The Khilafat Movement essentially was to help Turkey in World War I because they were fighting the British - as the saying goes the enemy of my enemy is my friend.  Turkey never got back its empire, it was occupied by the Allies who had won the war. The Arabs never forgave the Muslims of India because they were supporting their oppressors.  This has had a long term impact on Pakistan in its relationship with Arab countries. Yasser Arafat the  late Palestinian leader never made an official visit to Pakistan, he simply stopped over on his way to India. The Arabs saw Islam as a threat to their freedom, which is why they made the Arab league. They saw the Allies as their liberators.  They much rather be ruled by non-Muslims than by Muslims The Arabs hated the term Muslim Ummah, For them it meant being ruled by some non-Arab Muslim country. The Arabs made the Arab League,

Boredom killer

The cellphone has become an integral part of Pakistani life, it is hard to imagine life without it anymore.  Every single person is using them, particularly people by those who have a great deal of free time and lots of people to talk to. Gossip gets around fairly fast. I was in a bus, there was this lady who had this phone stuck to her ear and she was asking virtually about everyone in her family and group of friends and telling them all kinds of stories. No sooner she was diconnected because she used up the credit, she added credit resumed her gossiping. All kinds of people, many who are doing fairly menial jobs are busy receiving and making calls. People love staying connected with anyone they know. There are others who have few friends and want to talk, I received one and that unknown person simply wanted to hear me talk about anything. He even went so far as to ask me to lie to him,  because there was really nothing to talk about. He simply wanted to hear a voice. Lonely people

Being old and not knowing it

I feel exactly the same as I used as I did when I was a kid. But it struck me that I was older. I was 20 when teaching and all the kids there started calling me 'Sir'.  That really surprised me. That was the title I used to give everyone who was older than I was. I got over the shock, went to the university completed my studies.Being in my 20s was not safe - cops always stopped all the motorcycle riders who were my age, check licence and registration. But it was easier so many other things. Make friends, talk to almost anyone. When I turned 50 things changed drastically - I looked older to everyone else. People called me  with the titles given to people who are old. It was hard to talk to people because of the age difference. Many of my relatives, friends and colleagues had died. There is tremendous respect for older people I must admit, but I have never felt any different.  For instance I was standing in a place there were number of chairs all occupied by younger people. I

Outcast

The way people made and established themselves is absolutely disgusting. In any case they are rich, accumulated sufficient wealth over the years. Their wealth however has made them feel they are superior to my family and me.  They have a whole bunch of cars and they arrogant beyond belief and very shallow they cannot make an intelligent comment about anything. They dodge subjects. I know mental illness runs in the maternal side of the family but today was the absolute fucking limit. A month or so back I went to see my surviving maternal aunt, she had some figs, she showed them to me, instead of offering them. She shut them off somewhere and very emphatically said she was not going to give them to anyone. A month later another, simply calling on her she hands over the figs and was being very generous.  When I opened the packet, there were worms and insects crawling all over them. It was fair enough to conclude that even she is not immune to the mean and disgusting behaviour which my

Pakistani English

Whichever country the British ruled and left, English was left behind. After the British left America in 1776, that was the starting point of American English. Because the USA was no longer connected to Britain. American English has been undergoing changes because of mass migration from Europe. The people needed to communicate with each other and the only common language was English. In that process American English changed with new words and phrases.  After 1947 Pakistani English started, it no longer was associated with the British English. Pakistani English was adopted by everyone who spoke different languages in different regions. Languages survive when they adapt to new circumstances, they adopt new words.  To expect Pakistani's to speak Kings or Queens English is absurd - because no one will understand it. Pakistani English is a language with its own traditions. Pronunciation may be completely strange,  usage, grammar and syntax twisted and turned around, but they make pe

Cell phone service blocking idiocy

Rehman Malik's idea blocking  cell phone services is going to ensure is madness.  In times of crisis all lines of communications shoul remain open. It is essential that everyone should be contact with everyone. If terrorists are using cell phones to remain in contact with one another, the police can trace calls, listen to what the terrorists are doing and planning and what they have done. This helps the police in catching them before they can.do any damage. In any case of crisis all lines of communication should remain open. People who need medical assistance can call them. If criminals are seen the police can be informed, so that they should be arrested. Even phones are as IEDs that number can traced if there are scanners around. Rehman Malik is nothing but a bloody absolutely corrupt piece of shit

A pattern of social change

It is a sad fate for a woman to end up getting married a man who is a gambler, an alcoholic or simply does not work at all. The parents are duped into believing that their son-in-law to be actually works somewhere.  The women who have suffered this and borne children, ensure that their children do not suffer in the same way.   But there is no easy way out of the tradition of arranged marriage. The only recourse is make extensive background checks of the people who come with proposals. It is a very arduous task but absolutely necessary. With extensive background checks raises - makes easy arranged marriages impossible. The mothers are very careful, particularly when it comes to their daughters.  They do not want to go through hellish experience as they have. his is a growing pattern. Women who have divorced their useless husbands are making sure that their daughters do not end with similar husbands. This is happening because society has reached a level of prosperity allowing them to s

Extremes

Where there are extremes of wealth there  such a situation  there is an extreme of corruption and lechery and extremes of shame, guilt and fear. But such extremes are unsustainable. All extremes gravitate towards neutrality, towards entropy. Extremes cannot survive because they need to be fed constantly and when they can no longer be fed it leads to decay. Just as wealth end so does poverty. Because the wealthy start becoming poorer, start losing money the money gets distributed. Amongst the poor, some become prosperous.  Some of the former wealthy descend into poverty  - some starve to death because wealth had made them lazy they never developed the energy to work for themselves, there were always had servants catering to all their needs.The poverty stricken rise, because they learn how to steal from the lazy rich who are to weak and incompetent to protect their wealth. This cycle breaks when there are few who do not steal, but work for a living. Any kind of skill which they have