Madspeak

My brother owns a small business in USA - I tried phoning him up at his house, but he was not there - then I later I tried getting hold of him at his office. Either he or my sister-in-law. It was an educational experience. The telephone operator picked up the phone and I asked for my brother. Although both, the telephone operator and I were both speaking English - it seemed as if we were speaking two completely different languages. She, or perhaps it was a he, I could not tell, could not follow my request to let me talk to my brother or my sister-in-law. The telephone operator banged the phone, then I changed my accent made it sound very American - thanks to my exposure American TV shows - after three attempts, I was successful. The telephone operator transferred the call to my sister-in-law. Some months afterwards my brother arrived and I noticed a very marked difference in his accent and style of talking. This was not the case when he was just doing a job and before that when

The average monthly salary of a newspaper employee is US$170 (around US$ 5 per day) and there is a 1% annual increase in the salary – although the annual inflation rate of the country is 30%. Making it increasingly impossible for newspaper employees to continue working with such a low income because the raise is just simply not enough. A dismal future lies ahead for newspaper employees they are going from rags to tatters and eventually will become absolutely dirt poor. Things are very grim and judging from the attitude of the newspaper owners the situation will only get much worse as time goes by. Strangely enough, newspaper owners hire people in very senior positions who have nothing at all to do with running a newspaper, these people earn a monthly salary which is around US$7000 (almost US$240 per day) they have company maintained cars and many other perk and benefits. It is the strangest fact that those who have nothing to do with taking out the newspaper everyday are bein

General Musharraf our present dictator – (in the tradition of all preceding dictators), after having ensured that they he has consolidated his hold over the country; with the help of his traitorous cronies – he is now regularly on a world tour with an entire aircraft exclusively meant for his use and is packed with an entourage (read toadies and hangers-on) they are on ‘official trips’. The taxpayers are bearing the cost of these extremely expensive pleasure trips. As long as the general feels his job is secure, he will keep on doing this and much worse. The same money could be very well spent on so many other things, which the country desperately needs. But the money is being spent by the general and his entourage to stay in the best places and go on shopping sprees and do sightseeing. None of these trips benefit the country in any way - although the impression is given that they do. The public relations officer assigned to the entourage sends the news that the general had ‘import

Dictators have ruled Pakistan since 1958 - it is not that democracy cannot work here, it is simply not allowed to. Those who held tremendous influence and power prior to the creation of Pakistan in 1947 were the feudal lords, the tribal chieftains and later on the militant mullahs. In India the first thing which was done was to get rid of feudalism, because feudal lords because of the control over acres of land would always be in a position to get the support of those on their lands - the people would not have a choice but to vote for the person on the lands they live on. In the absence of feudalism the people had greater freedom to choose whom they wanted vote for. In Pakistan the feudal lords had insidious influence on the country's politics. Democracy was and could never be in their interest. What they did not factor in was the subsequent industrialisation of the country - this meant movement of labour off the lands into the cities. As factory workers they discovered that at th

It was assumed that humanity would eventually become much more peaceful and kinder - but the opposite is more than apparent. There are civil wars, secret wars (covert operations) there all out invasions and attempts of occupation (the reasons for them are irrelevant, those have been discussed to deathby almost everyone). There is no doubt that human beings are so violent and dangerous that not only does every country in the world have soldiers but also a police force. Although the pace of development in science and technology of humanity is formidable, but human nature has not changed in any way. The 20th Century was full of wars, the killing, the maiming and torture went on and continues to this day. Some wars are reported intensely others are not given equal attention. The idea behind international sports events was to take people off the battlefield and bring them on the sports ground. International sports has done nothing at all – there are no easy solutions and perhaps there n

It was heartbreaking to see so many infants crying because their parents had them circumcised. It is generally assumed that the pain will go away and the child would eventually forget, this is an absolutely wrong assumption the memory of such an extremely painful experience does not go away that easily– it is only suppressed, No one bothers or cares to ask the child if he wanted to have an intricate part of his body removed. This is done when the child has not even started speaking leave alone, there is really he can do anything to prevent something like this to happen. By all medical and ethical standards, it is the person who is fully aware of the implications of any kind operation, should be the one to decide if he would like it to be done or not. When an intricate part body is sliced off – at such time it is surprising parents do not feel never realise the tremendous physical pain they inflicted and the possible psychologicall harm they have caused. The child may stop crying b

They left and years later they returned - these are ex-Pakistanis. A weird bunch they are. No matter what, nothing will ever make them happy. They were miserable when they had gone, found fault in virtually everything - made no attempt to put in their share to fix those things - they just went away. The country called Pakistan was like the child they had once left - those memories were etched in their minds. Years later when they returned - they imagined they would be coming to the same country they had left behind. They had abandoned everything when they went away so they had nothing left to stay back. They are angry because everything has changed - everything is bigger - perhaps not necessarily better. Its like the story of the villager Raju who left his village Katchi to start living in the town called Neker. Raju struggled for years, lived in the slum of Neker after years of struggling and having made some money to show off how successful he his to the people in Katchi. But much t

Life as it is, is extremely dull and boring so it is only natural that people should do things to amuse themselves, this is the case here as muchs as it is in the rest of the world. But here, because of the existing 'religious fanaticism' policy of the junta, nearly everything which is fun or which makes people happy – is for all intents and purposes cursed. There is a spring festival in which people fly kites, it is called Basant and lots of people participate in it. There are other things which are perfectly normal form of entertainment in other parts of the world such as music concerts, plays and stage shows - the junta and its lackeys have made it point to give these things a bad name. Discos and night clubs were shut down when General Zia-ul-Haq was heading the martial law - those options simply do not exist. Theatres and auditoriums are regularly raided while these shows are going on. Some performers are banned. A few days back the military controlled Supreme Court up

The system of lies, damn lies and propaganda started when General Ayub Khan was the first military dictator of the country. He could not tolerate any kind of comment or criticism of his handling of things. He did not want any of his decisions challenged. He thought he literally was a god and could do no wrong (just like all the military dictators who have come after him). General Yahya Khan who took over from him was no different. ZA Bhutto a civilian prime minister, was foreign minister when General Ayub Khan’s reign of terror. Although he claimed to be a politician and ‘a man of the people’ he did whatever General Ayub Khan did – because he was a completely unprincipled man (he would never have been in General Ayub Khan’s regime). Just like General Ayub Khan he too could not tolerate any kind of criticism leave alone a free press. Only those newspapers were allowed to survive which toed the party line. All that filled newspapers were press notifications and advices about anything

Once Pakistan American Cultural Centre (PACC) and the the American Center people loved to visit. The PACC was a place where everyone would go to see plays and other cultural activities..The American Centre had a very popular library it even had a small cinema hall. In that small cinema hall a movie 'Citizen Kane' was shown amongst others. Occasionally American Advertising Awards films were shown. The American Centre in Karachi use to issue visas - now everyone has to go to Islamabad. - for me it makes no difference to me one way or another because I never planned to and do not intend to visit the United States of America. After all there are so many other countries in the world which I much rather visit, the only reason I mentioned this is because there use long lines for people in front of the visa section - it must be a 'tremendous inconvenience' for them - now not one person leave a line of people can stand in front of the American Centre. The road on which PACC i

Making the value of one rupee equal to one kilogramme of gold will improve the economy a great deal. The one rupee note will come back and it will not be the miniature copper copper coin it has presently been transformed into. One paisa coin will also come back to life, so will the 10 paisa, 25 paisa and 50 paisa coins. Presently our currency is deliberately under-valued for the benefit of a few people to the detriment of the majority. Reverting to the gold standard is the best thing which can ever be done. Fixing the value of the one rupee note equal to one kilogramme of gold will benefit the economy of the country.

Every time the month of Ramzan (or Ramadan as the Arabs call it) begins – it is intended for the few apparently pious people to start fasting. For those who do not fast those are considered criminals, if ever they are seen eating and drinking in public, they are immediately arrested. Poor labourers who work hard under the burning sun cannot drink water without living in the constant fear of being thrown in jail, although not fasting is not a crime - it is only a sin. The businesses which suffer are restaurants and tea shops. These officials most likely would much prefer see a labourer die of dehydration, instead of letting him have a glass of water - religious injunctions are required to be followed with fanatical zeal. Hard labour increases hunger and thirst and it is not possible to continue working without nourishment, but during Ramzan, the existing ‘Islamic laws' have prohibited this - labourers work long hours and have to wait for the sun to set before they can eat and drin

The English language daily newspaper - The Dawn leads the most of the English language publications in the most venal anti-Pakistan sentiments. Its columnists and even editorials have an endless tirade against the country. Instead of being specific about issues and offering solutions. Some writers send their dispatches from some country abroad and on the one hand represents it with glowing colours as if – it literally is heaven on Earth while on the other Pakistan is painted is a bottomless pit of absolute despair. Entire pages are filled with such reports and columns. One can only belong to a presumably elite club only when one has the ability damn the country with generalities – not provide the necessary information to back up their views. and praise another. When such people are challenged they have found a way around it – with outright fabrications. The supposed brilliant and learned columnists have never been able to explain why they lack the ability express their views on som

I have no idea what all the issues are, concerning the people living in a country located thousands of miles away which is locked between two oceans the Atlantic and the Pacific. However when one sees the candidates speak about things, which can be very surprising. For instance no public figure leave alone politicians would over dare, openly discuss whether gay marriages should be allowed or not, Because if anyone were to admit being gay , because of existing laws he would be confessing to a crime and will end up being thrown in jail; so the question of allowing gay marriages can never arise. With respect to the prevalence AIDS - no one knows how many people do suffer from this disease here and how many so far have died because of it, so far. The official policy is absolute denial and camouflage. Taking advantage of the ignorance of the people, doctors can attribute the cause of a patient's death to any number of diseases and no one would be any wiser. A doctor could know that

Newspapers, which apparently are influential - publish on a regular basis letters, which for all intents and purposes look - meant to restrict freedom as much as possible. People writing under a variety of names write about how TV cable operators are 'destroying the moral fibre' of society - by having 'lewd' channels. Invariably as a result of such letters, the premises of TV cable operators are raided and their equipment is taken away. Pakistan Electronic Media Authority (PEMRA) an extra-judicial organisation with powers which no one can challenge makes its own rules as it goes along. It is too much of a coincidence that no sooner are those letters published, certain TV cable operators are targetted. It looks more like some kind of vendetta. The 'writers' of such letters sound extremely helpess, as if they cannot switch channels using the remote. Perhaps these are people without limbs or are so paralysed or it could be, they are so enthralled while looking a

The symptoms of Dracula do not seem any different than someone suffering from rabies - his deadly fear of running water, sunlight. He would bite people - when he did they too would be infected with rabies. It is said he fought the Turkish army and was known as Vlad the Impaler. When he captured Turkish soldiers he force them to convert to Christianity and when they did not, he would impale the forehead to a tree. The cross was his guide but became his curse because he was bitten by some animal which was is a rabies a carrier, a dog or a fox. So when he saw the cross it reminded of the time he contracted rabies. His hate of the Turks was so much that even hated the food they ate, which had plenty of garlic in it. Dracula developed an aversion to garlic. Hence the myth grew that in order to keep Dracula away was to have garlic hanging around. Perhaps in the days of Dracula rabies manifested in some other form, it may result in madness but not death. Dracula would stay out of light and w

Commuting in a city the size of Karachi is very difficult. The policy of the junta as regards the price of fuel is inconsistent – because of this the owners of public transport – be they taxis or buses do not have fixed fares. Those who travel in buses are not sold bus tickets and taxis do not have meters – they justify this on the grounds that the price of petrol varies from one day to the next, so it is impossible for them fix the fare. When it comes to taxis (or rickshaws) one has ask the driver how much he will charge for going to a particular place. The shorter the distance the more the fare, the longer the distance the fare is comparatively less. If one wants to go to some residential area – the fare is higher, because in such places people usually have their private vehicles and rarely rely on public transport, so taxis go back without any passenger aboard. But if ones destination is a major shopping area, then the fare is great deal less, because the taxi driver will most lik

Proud of my ignorance? Certainly not - but I must admit do not know much about anything - rather for the most part I am absolutely have no clue. If am told the world is round and it has been proven to be so - I must agree - but my personal experience tells me it is flat. Why do things fall it said I am told there is such thing as gravity then I am told there is nothing such as gravity it is the curvature of space - whatever that is supposed to mean. I wish scientists were to make up their minds. What are those tiny bright dots I see in the night sky? I have no idea - I am told they are stars and they are so far away no one will ever be able to reach them. Whatever the reasons for that I will never venture to ask, I have never had a telescope in my life so I can never see that far. Why does my mobile do the things it does? - I do not know. Why can see so many TV channels, when at one time I could only one - is beyond me. Why I can see TV is at all is even harder to explain. There

Insinuations, euphemisms, gossip, superciliousness are make up his conversation. He always contradicts himself. He has proven that without the shadow of any doubt that he is a hypocrite. If it is possible he will try never to listen, but when he does – he likes to interrupt and starts arguing. Every conversation degrades into a pointless and meaningless argument. All sense of fun and levity has gone from him, perhaps it was never there. He derides anyone with a sense of homeliness, warmth and closeness. He finds it discomfiting to laugh out loud at something which is genuinely funny because he is so used to ridiculing and scoffing at everything. It is apparent his has all but lost his sense of humour. He cannot tell the difference between opinion and fact – he mixes both of them up. When gossip is not involved in any conversation – he starts an extensive interrogation seeking every tiny detail which is actually a desperate bid to find fault so that he can start an argument. He does n

For three days Karachi is suffering from another bout of traffic jams because of an every shady arms fare called IDEAS. No one knows who is selling what to whom. Several parts of the city have been cut off and the normal flow of traffic has been seriously affected. It is as if the people in Karachi are a major security risk. The people are not a security risk it’s the pinheads (none other than the over-rated military) who by exaggerating the importance of the arms deals fare. This only creates even more resentment, because the junta deliberately is alienating the people of Karachi from everything. Before Karachi was the country’s capital – Islamabad became the capital – but Karachi’s commercial and financial importance over the decades and it become the commercial capital of the country. The junta receives 75 per cent of all taxes from Karachi, yet the city and its citizens do not get return on the taxes paid. Now the pinheads that instead of finding an appropriate place to have th